You are Missed, Mister Colbert

As I pledged to do in "Speaking out for a Muzzled Hero of Mine", I will post something on Stephen Colbert at least once a week until his triumphant return at the close of the writer's strike. (Which now has to last at least through New Years, as that is how many posts I have partially written so far. . .)

So, Stephen (forgive me for being so informal, calling you God-King sounds too sycophantic, and we don't want that,) in your downtime, I imagine you are spending time with family, pouting about your denial in South Carolina and playing excessive amounts of World of Warcraft (no doubt as a hunter, skinning bears.) Perhaps you can use this time more constructively by wandering over to your old stomping grounds at the Daily Show and do some tradin' to give up one of your old bits, "This Week in God."



Now, I know Samantha Bee has tried admirably to continue the tradition you started with this bit, but it's just not the same without you. I am not particularly religious, but I really looked forward to seeing the God machine rise to do your bidding (no whammies,no whammies!) and cover the theological topics of the day. A chill would descend my spine when I would hear the haunting sound of the God Machine (beep bop bop bor beep.) Without your canny observations of all things holy, the fervor for this topic has gone right out of me, and I have returned to my secular ways with no knowledge of current religious doctrine.

Really, The Daily Show has no need of it without you, and you could fit it in between Threatdowns and stories of Monkeys on the Lamb. You must have something they want. Maybe some of your less patriotic ties for Jon, or Papa Bear's microwave, or heck, Jimmy. He won't mind making the sacrifice.

Just food for thought, Stephen Colbert. Which is probably all the food you should be eating after a month off. Your suits might start to get tight otherwise.

SA

Speaking out for a Muzzled Hero of Mine.

As you may know, the Hollywood writers strike looks to bitterly continue for some time, and while many shows are now affected, the ones I miss the most are the late night talk shows.

For me, (being their target demographic and all) none are missed more that the Daily Show and Colbert Report. I enjoy both, but I feel that Jon Stewart can ride out this strike with relative ease.

It's Colbert that I worry about.



Being a marketing professional for most of my adult life, I have seen many glossy pitches, heard many speeches delivered in dulcet tones that invoke a feeling of wanting to be part of whatever they are hawking (that's sales and marketing in a nutshell, folks.) But in my short tenure on this planet, I have never seen such a brilliant self-promotionalist as Stephen Colbert.

Now, some of you may argue that Stephen Colbert is normal a man, or just a character he portrays, or a talking head that reads what ever his brilliant writers put in front of him, but I say there is no need to parse up his identity. He is all those things, and he is set forth up this world to entertain me. (OK you too, but more for me. :P )

I imagine Stephen Colbert as more like Xerxes as portrayed in "300." Sitting upon his giant golden throne, God-King supreme, his every wish and need fulfilled by a countless horde of adoring slaves. All he asks from the rest of us is our subservience and love, and he will make all our wishes come true.



Now many of his adoring slaves have abandoned his golden throne and joined the picket line in Hollywood. How can the God-King survive this drought of endless love??

Fear not, mister Colbert. There are are those of us that lurk in the shadows who will support you during this time. Allow me to show my bonafides:



I am waiting to surrender it, but no one more famous than I has meandered by yet.

So Colbert, I am here to keep your name in the news, starting with my tiny daily audience. Perhaps others will be inspired to take up the challenge of keeping you in the spotlight. I pledge to mention you at least once a week until the strike is over, and then you won't need my humble offerings.

You may think that he will never know of my support, but thanks to the power of Google Alerts, he or his duly designated majordomo or hunchback sidekick will see my little post sooner or later. And yes, he does already have an adoring fanbase that can be readily found at Colbert Nation, but they offer nothing as insightful or snarky as I can.

And Stephen, (may I call you that, or do you prefer God-King?) should you feel the need to get some pressing news tidbit out though a trusted news source, I stand ready to pass it on to the adoring proletariat masses.

SA

P.S. Being a hand model is harder than it looks. I never knew I could be so vain about shots of my appendages, this was the 5th take, before I lost the light...