grrr...sick

I hope you are all having a lovely holiday season. We had a white Christmas here in Colorado, and have 8 inches of snow on the ground. I now have a wicked cold to go with it. Sorry for the slow posting, I will try to be back up to the 2-3 a week postings soon.

SA

Someone else could use your support today

While trying to catch up on my neglected blogging friends, I found this sorrowful news on blogging icon Bossy's blog.

If you have a moment, please stop by Bossy's and think good thoughts for the recovery of her daughter.



SA

PS Decided to remove Bossys daughter's picture here, it seemed creepy for me to post it without Bossy's consent.

HP Webcam by Revlon?

I just realized that there is a streaming webcam built into my laptop above the monitor. As I am not shooting a porno, what the heck is it good for?



Then, another use dawned on me. Come on girls, tell me true - would you use it as a make-up compact??

SA

A Bone to Pick with Colbert Nation

While I have pledged to keep posting about Stephen Colbert at least once a week, I see that it has been more than a week since my last post. Looks like I owe you two this week.

This one is an open letter to Stephen Colbert and his entourage:



God-King, while I remain one of the faithful, I have a bone to pick with you and your "#1 and #2" fan site, Colbert Nation. While you are basking away on some Bermuda beach, your nation's website is quickly spiraling out of control. Since the writers strike began, there have been no new postings here, perhaps to show solidarity with you, which is fine.

However, even with the void that has been created with no new news on the website, there are still many who comment on the last post. I first noticed them when I found a link from the Colbert Nation's comments to my little blog, which I greatly appreciated, however my appreciation soured when I began to read through the other comments and find quite a few anti-Semitic and racist posts spread throughout the comments.

From my very first post for this blog, "The Sweet Midwest Girl" I made it clear where I stand on racism, be it actively hostile or passively permissive.

Now Stephen, I know you aren't responsible for every annoying poster that feels the need to spread nonsense and hate, but I absolutely hold you and you due-designates responsible for not policing your public posting site. If you promote it, and it sells your products, you need to take a moment from in absentia and make someone deal with it. This is for the betterment of all, but especially the children. What is more American than that?

Take this happy young lad, for example:



This is JCH, the son of my blogging pal Meleah from Momma Mia, Mea Culpa. You are a hero of his. While he is enjoying your new book, what if he decides to head over to Colbert Nation to see what else you might have that is interesting? What is he going to think if he reads some of the hateful bile some posters have left?

I promise it won't take more than a few minutes for you to sort this out, and you can climb back up on your golden throne to pass judgement on all you survey. Otherwise, I will be forced to declare my blog the #1 and #2 fan site, as I am serving up fresh and racist-free content on all things Stephen Colbert.

Respectfully,

SA

A belated Turkey-Day post.

Started this on Thanksgiving, forgot to post. Anyway, a few moments of TG at SA's hidden (but well lit) lair.

- The Tour -

The calm before the storm:



As you can see here, we are well stocked for a guest list of 40. Sadly, we only have nine coming. I smell leftovers!



You will notice that I have some Jager on the left. It may be the last thing left that is mine, all other personal items have been systematically deleted from the home.

I don't drink it (it's probably 5 years old), it just hails from my youth...

And here we have a giant bird cooking, covered with a pomegranite molasses glaze. More like an ostrich than a turkey...



I may go vegan after the horrible things I had to do the that poor bird's body cavity.

The kitchen preparing for the flurry of food prep that is to come:



The table is set with expensive china and an assortment of eclectic (read: folding) chairs:



The chair I've never sat on:



Fuzzy parasites that are cute enough to be allowed to cohabit this lair:



And finally, we come to the staple of all inimate family gatherings - the booze:



I hope the foodie holiday was good to you and yours.

SA

You are Missed, Mister Colbert

As I pledged to do in "Speaking out for a Muzzled Hero of Mine", I will post something on Stephen Colbert at least once a week until his triumphant return at the close of the writer's strike. (Which now has to last at least through New Years, as that is how many posts I have partially written so far. . .)

So, Stephen (forgive me for being so informal, calling you God-King sounds too sycophantic, and we don't want that,) in your downtime, I imagine you are spending time with family, pouting about your denial in South Carolina and playing excessive amounts of World of Warcraft (no doubt as a hunter, skinning bears.) Perhaps you can use this time more constructively by wandering over to your old stomping grounds at the Daily Show and do some tradin' to give up one of your old bits, "This Week in God."



Now, I know Samantha Bee has tried admirably to continue the tradition you started with this bit, but it's just not the same without you. I am not particularly religious, but I really looked forward to seeing the God machine rise to do your bidding (no whammies,no whammies!) and cover the theological topics of the day. A chill would descend my spine when I would hear the haunting sound of the God Machine (beep bop bop bor beep.) Without your canny observations of all things holy, the fervor for this topic has gone right out of me, and I have returned to my secular ways with no knowledge of current religious doctrine.

Really, The Daily Show has no need of it without you, and you could fit it in between Threatdowns and stories of Monkeys on the Lamb. You must have something they want. Maybe some of your less patriotic ties for Jon, or Papa Bear's microwave, or heck, Jimmy. He won't mind making the sacrifice.

Just food for thought, Stephen Colbert. Which is probably all the food you should be eating after a month off. Your suits might start to get tight otherwise.

SA

Well, can't you see that's the last act of a desperate man?

Forgot to mention, my swan song as I exited the building. I set up my computer speakers in a hard to reach place, maxed out the volume, and set off "Charlie the Unicorn" as I exited the building. As I drove off into the night I could see several folks standing in my office, no doubt looking for the off switch.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Charlie the Unicorn, behold!!


It is impossible not to smile or question your grip on sanity while witnessing this fine animation. And it gets better with repeated applications. Soon you and all your friends will be calling "Charleeeee" to each other.

SA

Bart: Well, can't you see that's the last act of a desperate man?
Howard Johnson: We don't care if it's the first act of Henry V, we're leaving!

-Blazing Saddles

Last Day in Office

One of those things that have been keeping me busy and not posting regularly is that I am changing jobs. And today happens to be my very last day at my current position. While it had become clear that it was time to move on, there are things I will miss.

I'll miss my colleagues for sure. While they are all irritatingly younger, more attractive and healthier than I, they are also a rather entertaining lot. If you spend eight hours a day with the same folks, make sure you like them, they become a little like family (maybe better, because I would dread eight hours a day with my family.) I'll even miss aspects of my job, I did enjoy feeling like I was helping a prestigious non-profit modernize some of their processes. Welcome to the late '90s, soon-to-be-ex-employer. Embrace the future!

I will not miss the commute. Two and a half hours a day on the road really begins to make me feel like I am missing a lot of life. That's 27 freaking days a year, just driving to and from work!

However, now that I have the opportunity to work from home, I will miss my office.

Here I am pondering some of life's deeper mysteries on my last day...



Now it is time to pack up all the important personal possessions:



Done.

Can't forget my aquatic art....



Look out the window one last time....



And meander down the long hall one last time. . . (like horror-movie long)



And leap into the unknown. . .

SA has left the building!

Speaking out for a Muzzled Hero of Mine.

As you may know, the Hollywood writers strike looks to bitterly continue for some time, and while many shows are now affected, the ones I miss the most are the late night talk shows.

For me, (being their target demographic and all) none are missed more that the Daily Show and Colbert Report. I enjoy both, but I feel that Jon Stewart can ride out this strike with relative ease.

It's Colbert that I worry about.



Being a marketing professional for most of my adult life, I have seen many glossy pitches, heard many speeches delivered in dulcet tones that invoke a feeling of wanting to be part of whatever they are hawking (that's sales and marketing in a nutshell, folks.) But in my short tenure on this planet, I have never seen such a brilliant self-promotionalist as Stephen Colbert.

Now, some of you may argue that Stephen Colbert is normal a man, or just a character he portrays, or a talking head that reads what ever his brilliant writers put in front of him, but I say there is no need to parse up his identity. He is all those things, and he is set forth up this world to entertain me. (OK you too, but more for me. :P )

I imagine Stephen Colbert as more like Xerxes as portrayed in "300." Sitting upon his giant golden throne, God-King supreme, his every wish and need fulfilled by a countless horde of adoring slaves. All he asks from the rest of us is our subservience and love, and he will make all our wishes come true.



Now many of his adoring slaves have abandoned his golden throne and joined the picket line in Hollywood. How can the God-King survive this drought of endless love??

Fear not, mister Colbert. There are are those of us that lurk in the shadows who will support you during this time. Allow me to show my bonafides:



I am waiting to surrender it, but no one more famous than I has meandered by yet.

So Colbert, I am here to keep your name in the news, starting with my tiny daily audience. Perhaps others will be inspired to take up the challenge of keeping you in the spotlight. I pledge to mention you at least once a week until the strike is over, and then you won't need my humble offerings.

You may think that he will never know of my support, but thanks to the power of Google Alerts, he or his duly designated majordomo or hunchback sidekick will see my little post sooner or later. And yes, he does already have an adoring fanbase that can be readily found at Colbert Nation, but they offer nothing as insightful or snarky as I can.

And Stephen, (may I call you that, or do you prefer God-King?) should you feel the need to get some pressing news tidbit out though a trusted news source, I stand ready to pass it on to the adoring proletariat masses.

SA

P.S. Being a hand model is harder than it looks. I never knew I could be so vain about shots of my appendages, this was the 5th take, before I lost the light...

The Dark Horse Gains from Behind

Now that I am out of my funk for a moment to post regularly, there has been a surge in visitors to my little blog. I wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you, but that is rather time consuming, so let's settle on a blanket THANK YOU! to all, shall we?

I especially I want to thank you to some of the newest members of my MyBlogLog Posse.

Due to your efforts, I have been propelled into the top 100 in the "MyBlogLog Problogger Contest!"



It is an honor just to be mentioned, and to be in the top 100 is all I hoped for. (how many blogs are on here anyway? 106? :)

I see that some of the leaders in this contest are offering possible rewards for joining their little cliques. For any prospective members thinking of joining mine, let me make it clear that I offer nothing but snarky musings and occasional humorous photos (although it seems to me I promised an award on my "Pushing Daisies" trivia. I'll get to it...)And really, isn't that enough. . . ?

However, GorrillaSushi's prize of 184 kittens is rather tempting. . .

And for those of you that have been members for a long time, or have been so good to award me trophys or mention me elsewhere in the ether, I've been making my list of links to your blogs out there. As many of you already know, that is also a rather tedious task, but I'll get there.

SA

How do you Say Lazy in Spanish?

*SA climbs onto his tattered soapbox*

Hello all, and welcome to another installment of things that irritate me that I must now point out and lambaste for the collective good.

You know what I really despise? When an accomplished blogger that I like falls into a rut, and starts showing endless Youtube clips or meme lists of what they like or dislike and whatnot instead of using their personal energy and creativity to entertain me. Dance for me monkeyboy, dance!!

C'mon people, bloggers are supposed to be the untamed voices of the free peoples of this earth, the creative artistic spirits empassioned with the need to share their views with others, not the third-grader class clowns passing on silly jokes during science class.

Pay attention smarty pants, or you'll end of in the seventh cirle of hell on earth:

Retail.

I digress. Where was I?

Oh yes, I was surfing Youtube and found the most romantic video yet. Here, let me jump off this box and show you. *jumps off*



Now, I'm only kitchen bilingual, but that is hot, right? The way "biblioteca" just rolls off his tongue...just magic. The ladies must line up for that one.

Course, in my day, I found this to be a much hotter bilingual song. You know, when I was pitching woo. . .



SA

P.S. Are soapboxes really safe to be standing on in the first place? It's just a box. Maybe they just don't make them like that anymore. I can't imagine one single thing that I would feel safe standing on from the Container Store.

These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night.

Hold me.

Are you there God? It's me, Sarcasm

Hi God,

I know I don't come calling often, and when I do, it's because I want something. Sorry, but that's the deal. I mean really, what can you get for an omnipotent being? Socks?

Look, here's the reason I am invoking your attentions today. I want to talk to you about the fairness of biology.

I realized some time ago that I was never going to reach six feet tall. I can live with that, I am still the tallest male my family have produced in at least 150 years.

I furthermore realize that my swimmers body has gone to seed with my own innattention to excercise and love of guacamole, but I'm working on it.

Now my red hair has gone grey, leaving me with a dusty brown pelo. It's kind of distinguished, I think. I was hoping for more of a Dashell Hammett silver on the sides with silky locks on top, but it looks okay. I was rather hoping to look that way when I was in my mid-40's, but I am not vain enough to rub shoe polish in it.

Now...I have reached my tolerance limit with your so-called biology. While recieving a haircut from a heartless harpy (say that five times fast), she uttered the words that turned my blood to icewater: "You know, we do have some shampoo products for men with thinning hair...?" Gaaa! Nooooooooooooooo!



Look, I understand that my paternal and maternal grandfathers were both shiny bald and that this day might come, but not yet! I've been taking care of these folicles!

To be honest, I hadn't noticed. I have a busy life, and I hadn't obsessed about my hair since the days when I went to clubs four nights a week. However, I refuse to yield in this issue, and I plan to defy your will on this! There will be a victory of science over God here, and if a lotion/potion/poultice/torniquet exists will do the trick, I'm so there.

However, if it comes down to joining the Pubic Hair Club for Men or strapping a dead animal to my head...well...then usher me in the Bald Brotherhood.



And God... if I take your name in vain (a lot) during these trying times, please don't judge me too harshly.

SA