Serial Killer Causes Awkward Moment in a Marriage

My wife woke up from a dead sleep, no doubt from the disturbing sounds emanating from our TV. I was sitting at the end of the bed, watching it from 3 feet away. She had just caught me watching my secret passion.

Slowly, she sat up, then crawled to where I sat, over a pile of protesting Pugs. (Say that 5 times fast.)

"Why are you watching this?" She said, rubbing her eyes.

"I like it, I think it's fascinating," I replied. A nude figure appears upon the screen.

"Aren't you cold?" She asked.

Perhaps this would be the appropriate time to tell you I was in the nude, eating a chocolate pudding pack. "Mmm no, I'm okay," I said, scraping the spoon in the plastic cup to pick up any chocolate I missed. Delicious!

What?? I was snackish, and it was too hot for jammies. . .

Turning her attention back to the TV, she watched for a moment before asking another question.

"Who is that man?"



"That's Dexter," I responded. "He's the antihero of this show."

"Why does he have that other naked man wrapped in plastic?"

"It's part of his ritual," I said attempting to spare her the details.

"And who's that man on the table?" She asked.

"A vicious serial killer."

"I've never seen you watch this before," she frowned.

"Well, I know it's not your cup of tea," I replied. I usually waited until she was asleep before I pulled it up.

"Um, why does Dexter have that saw. .?" She said slowly, as the scene before us began to play out.

I shifted uncomfortably for a moment before replying; "Well, Dexter there is going to pass judgement on Mr. Sicko killer here, deliver his monologue, and then merrily saw him into little bits while festive music plays."

She paused for a long moment. "He's a serial killer too?"

"Oh yeah, but for justice. He only kills serial killers," I said, then added "Mostly."

"Let me get this straight. Dexter is a serial killer who chops people up, and you find this funny? That's awful," she exclaimed, glaring at me.

"Well, gee when you put it that way...it sounds a little disturbing. But really, it's so much more!" I went on to explain the complex relationships Dexter has to weave through, the great internal dialogue, his damaged beginnings and why the unfolding story arc was brilliant. Not since "Profit" got pulled has this type of dark dramedy been allowed to exist.

I could tell that this explanation had about the same effect as a man trying to explain to his wife that he only reads Playboy for the articles.

"Look honey, it's just a show, why don't you go back to sleep?" I pleaded.

She looked at me sideways. "I think there's something wrong with you," she said.

Dexter ended, and I switched off the TV, and crawled back into bed.

She tossed back and forth for awhile, and just as sleep began to overtake me...

"I can't sleep now," she grumped. Then: "I think I heard a noise. Did you check the locks?"

"Yes," I said, from beyond full awareness.

She shifted some more. "Go check again. I don't want to get hacked up in our sleep."

Groan. "Fine." I shuffled of into the darkness, using my bat-like senses to keep from barking my shins on our furniture.

When I trudged back, I find her still awake. I jump in, roll over, and as blissful sleep begins to overtake me, I hear: "You went all the way downstairs and you didn't get me a pudding pack?" she pouted.

Groan.


No rest for the wicked . . .



SA




(come on, for a second, you thought I was watching SkinaMax, didn't you? Sickos ;)